Calendar of chaos

Thursday 25th june: 5am Wake up. Hooray! I'm actually on time.

530 am Wait down for Za and car, terrified cell signal wont work if I move.

730am: I'm frozen with fear. Has she left without me??
Za arrives and rightly says, "Told you I'd call before I left home!"

1130am: Deposit Za safely at Sahar airport, having braved traffic snarls and what promises to be the advent of a real monsoon. Images of a flooded Bombay wash over me, and I think getting stranded in a Skoda is not a bad way to be.

1pm: Stagger into Aneesha's factory in Dharavi. Am distracted by all the gorgeous bags and it takes her to get me thinking back to the wedding. We ponder over invitations and redirect and consult with Wendy a few times. Wendy is very stoic and calm and most helpful, bless her!

3pm: Grab a cab and go to Khar to deliver gigantic laminated photos to big client. HAte hate hate traffic. Refuel at Candie's, even more ridiculously expensive than ever, but hell, the chicken mayo sandwiches still rock.

7pm: Am finally home chez Aneesha. Half asleep and numb with fatigue. Rustom orders us a fab meal from 'sizzling wok' and Rob and I tuck in and crash. Aneesha and I reminisce about the Michael Jackson concert we went for, the best concert ever, Mumbai , 1996. We argue over our favourite songs and posters on our walls.



Friday 26th June : Wake up to horrible news: Michael Jackson is no more. WHat?? We were just remembering his concert yesterday!!! HOw can it be so weird. We' re sad and dejected. We grew up on MJ. :"(

Aneesha has taken the day off to be my personal shopper. Except it's raining and raining and well, we better shop before it floods. We hit High Street Phoenix and head to the Triumph showroom, lunch at Spaghetti Kitchen and then we hop across to Atria Mall and immerse ourselves in some serious retail therapy, despite La Senza sales and NineWest on discount. We stagger into Coffe Day, ex---hausted. Poof! Shopping is serious work! And Aneesha is the best person to go shop with, she knows when you should splurge and she knows when to yank you away! Wait, one stop left, although it's late and raining and we 're cross eyed from all the bright lights and heavy loot.



Next stop: Mac. WOw! A Fairy God Mother waves her wand and poof, I look 18 again! I stare goggle -eyed and silently hand over the visa platinum. WHY didn't I learn make -up artistry on that whim 10 years ago?



We FINALLY tumble in through the door and sneer at Rustom's wicked peals of laughter and avoid all conversation to do with money.

A lousy Thai dinner ("I told you so", says Aneesha) follows. And we are rejuvenated enough to attempt "T3" at Metro; 11pm. Joined by Cousin Ian and the very sweet Hamin, we make it to Metro, the gorgeous art deco cinema. We stare and stare and stare at the grand Rolls Royce, all silver, luxurious, grand and blubber incredulously when we see who get in: old men, podgy, GFFFFG (if you remember what this stands for, you lived in Bombay in the 80s) and ... ugh!! WHy couldn't it at least be a Hrithik or someone dashing???

T3 is in all fairness a fab production. If I had to reveiew it, however, I would say this: "rat...tat...ratatatatatat". Now say this in different stacatto bursts, try turning it and twisiting it and try all the combinations you can think of...tat a trata a tat, rat a tat a tat a rat, or rat rat rat at at................

3am: we sink into blissful oblivion, mine peppered with dreams of dentists and root canals, thanks to Aneesha who says Rustom slept throught T3 like he does every root canal, where he genuinely falls asleep with a drill in his mouth!

I miss Alu terribly.


Saturday 27th: We head out and shop some more. Destination: Alladin's cave/city/ street... or souk. Crawford Market it is. For paper, gift bags, ribbons, bargains, and walks through Petticoat Lane, past Kipling Sr's Bas relief friezes on the grand, old, main market biuilding. Past hawkers selling brollies, combs, dusters, bags, trinkets and whatchamacallits. Past streets quaintly named Lohar Chawl, Sutar Chawl, Zhaveri Bazaar. Shayaan and hunger drive us back to find a Mcdonalds.

6PM: We are booked for seats at stand-up comedian Jonathan Atherton's show at Sophia Babha Hall. We are informed by SMS that it's pulled to 7pm. Rustom actually gets us there on the dot from Colaba, in rush hour TGIS traffic, careening wildly on Marine Drive. I tell Aneesha to close her eyes in the same breath as I goad Rustom on to pushing the pedal saying RObin drives faster in his sleep!



We make it only to find out it's at 8pm and so I teeter in my new highest heels until my toes go numb. Rachel joins us and we have a good time at the show. ( I must say the funniest joke was about "compromise in a marriage"). Now we head to Olive, for a not-so-great meal, and to the MJ tribute. Zenzi is packed and the Blue Frog is fun. The sound rocks, the Dj sucks. We dance to MJ hits and feel all teary. WHen was the last time a DJ played MJ anyway?? Don't these guys recognise the genius behind " Keep it in the closet", "Thriller", "BAd", "Blood on the dance floor", "They don't really care about us"....???

130am: Rob and I head home with Rachel and promptly fall in love with her tastefully done up, elegant , revamped appartment. It's like seeing your colourful, bohemian college sibling now a swan in all the elegant, graceful ways a swan is a swan without being a peacock. Less is always more.

Sunday 28th June: 10 am . Alarm bells sound in our head. Post smoked salmon and cream cheese on bhakri ( a Reuben classic),we have a girlie morning after Robin has gone off to his shoot. We chat, we primp, we preen, we make ourselves pretty and drive to the Oberoi ( now re-christened the Trident) Rooftop for the Mid-Day 30th Anniversery Brunch. ( That deserves a whole new post). And eventually Rob and Ian make sure I make the DQ back to Pune.

510pm: And it's bye-bye Bombay...... laden with shopping I make quite a sight on the train. I sink into oblivion till Lonavla and sink back into Nod after I sms darling Shabaree who is to pick me and my precious cargo up.

830pm: I make it into Shabaree's car, happy to be home and cold in amchi Pune and into Alu's hugs. The dogs are ecstatic. And I find myself... home sweet home!

Stress Checklist

venue.mandapwalla.caterer.cake.port wine. flowers. lights. camera. sound. music. dancefloor. bookings. invitations. printer. paper. trousseau. shoes. photographer. stripper. alcohol. food. mehendi. bangdis. ribbin. gajras. sparkly lights. Sha 's speech. the toast. car. license. excise. permit. bootlegger. pimp. best man. bridesmaid. wedding song. wedding march. goan masala. chocolate. pre nup.post nup. in-laws. out-laws. Robin. Robin Hood. Merrie men. sugar paste. marzipan. fruit cake. mud cake. thai food. barbeque. booze n brains. wedding night. honeymoon. new moon. airports. visas. tickets. passports. fittings. shirts. ties. gift boxes. postage. post office. addresses. old friends. new friends. bffs. rsvps. guest count. budget. taxes. registrar. video. bachelor party. bridal shower. blessings. prayers. vows. candles. decor. chamki. tiklis. bindis. little girls in ghaghara cholis. diamonds.kundan.mithai. dry mehendi. wet mehendi. beauty parlours. coiffs.chignons. kajaal. rod stewart hair. bald and beautiful.shaadi ke laddoos. ras malai.money. first dance. new heels. corsets. dilwale sulhaniyan le jayenge. Meet the parents. Father of the Bride. Monster-in-law the film. Shaadi ke laddoo the film. Sex and the city weddings. thank you cards. black ink. heat press process. friends. relatives. manicures. pedicures. sweet limes. khatta limboos. best women. good fairies. elves. th'ink shop magic. guest book. face book. blog.....
Have I forgotten anything?

Huffing and Puffing my way down the aisle

I actually joined a gym. I live in hope. While I almost die with the killer routine, I'm willing to try! A case of too little, too late?? Here's a joke someone sent me:

> A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM
>
>
> This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
>
> Dear Diary,
> For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
>
> Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try..
>
> I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
>
> My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
>
> ____________ _________ _________ __
> MONDAY:
> Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me.. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
>
> Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
>
> Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
>
> ____________ _________ _________ __
> TUESDAY:
> I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
>
> ____________ _________ _________ _
> WEDNESDAY:
> The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
>
> Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
>
> My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Chris put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.
>
> ____________ _________ _________ _
> THURSDAY:
> Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.
>
> He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.
>
> Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
> _________ _ ____________ _________
> FRIDAY:
> I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
>
> Chris wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
>
> The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
>
> ____________ _________ _________ __
> SATURDAY:
> Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
>
> ____________ _________ _________ __
> SUNDAY:
> I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Of Paranoia and Conspiracy Theories

Have deputed Robin's very Merry Men ( Taizoon, Bobby, Bunty, Appu, Dhruv) to make sure he " gets to the church (in this case, the hall) on time"!
The way Robin's shoot schedule is still not over, I think we need to gear up for some drastic action. I propose that the Merry Men go hi-tech and pull off an 'Eagle1' kind of evacuation. I'm thinking of an Obama-esque manouvre.... you grab the man and haul him into a limo and drive off with squealing tyres and spraying asphalt...
Then there are the few who doubt I'll be ready on time. Hmmm.... I am always running late... so I shall do a "4 weddings and a funeral" and set a whole bunch of clocks and be a whole hour early.....

Post TV show stress syndrome

Don't ask, but we caught one whole hour of a programme on Discovery Travel & Living: The Great Indian Wedding (or something like that). We sat zapped by the whole circus ( it was definitely a circus) that was Vikram Chatwal's wedding to Priya Sachdev. While I oohed and ahhed over her divine trousseau, and cringed at all the gorgeously buff bikini bodies, I shuddered at the thought of organising one.

Does that mean I wouldn't mind HAVING a circus of my own?? Anyway, that's never going to happen so Rob and I breathe easy! Instead we are counting on lots of close friends making it a most special evening. The cherry on the cake is Daniel and Joel flying in from far, far away just to be with us! Cant wait for them and their lovely wives to get here! :) Poor Nina is already back home in New Zealand.

It has finally rained today, and while I'm super thrilled the monsoon seems to have arrived, I hope we have a clear spell on the big weekend.

The Tv show gave me a wholoe load of ideas, simple things I can incorporate. And a lot of 'food' for thought!! (Did anyone SEE how much food there was????)

I still have to get organised on a lot of fronts, and Robin going away for 2 weeks to wrap his schedule with Highlight Films is giving me a case of jitters. Thank God for Aneesha, my Production Manager!! (this is what BFF 's get saddled with!)

Still trying to collect all the addresses (hint, hint). And have started a new email id: raadhikarobin@gmail.com

LOL message received from Niloufer, while she's away in Toronto: Procure happy inhalants and recreational pharmaceuticals. Give both to Robin for consumption before the wedding.

:D

On a road less travelled

At lunch today with the ladies, S remarked that this whole wedding, romance and relationship was ve-ry unconventional and she was amazed at how we managed to live in conservative ole amchi Pune and lead such an exciting life. Hmmm.... It got me thinking. To be really honest, we just grew into this 'relationship' and it seemed to evolve on it's own into something free spirited and wonderful. Mostly, I think we flouted all convention, made exceptions to all the norms and I guess people just grew WEARY of not accepting us. And we have been blessed, blessed with supportive, caring, generous and resilient friends who have always been there for us. Which reinforces my belief that the truth does set you free. When you have nothing to hide, you are free to truly live your life. And looking around, there are so many of us everywhere, defying the rules, carving our own niches and forcing the world to make space for us as we are.